early notes on attachment #write31days

I've cracked open one of the books from our recommended reading list.  One chapter in and I know already that we will need to purchase a copy to keep close for reference.  I'm sharing my notes as-is.  The application of this education is so far-reaching, beyond the future of our own family, into current and past family relationships I have observed around me including my own family history.  Lots of aha's and admittedly, tears, already.

Attaching in Adoption - Deborah D. Gray (2002, 2012)
Chapter 1: What is Attachment and Why Is It Important? (Pp. 15-24)

  • Quality of parent/child attachments - template for all future relationships and core beliefs.
  • Attachment - personality-defining, complex relationship
  • Lifelong Templates for intimate relationships, emotional awareness, social interactions, self-acceptance
  • Parenting skill set (auto-leaned from parents, intentionally acquired, poor habits deleted)
  • By 18 mos, babies learn importance of their needs to their parents, parents' trustworthiness
  • Attachment vs. bonds - attachment = enduring relationships formed over time and experience almost always among family members, bond = close relationships with others through shared experience and emotions
  • Dissociating - **explore
  • Attachment is a two-way street
  • John Bowlby - thermostat analogy
  • Children with healthy attachments have head start in high emotional intelligence
  • Children without parent figures in first year of life - high levels of cortisol (stress hormone) - brain on high alert, hyper-vigilant at expense of other learning.
  • Process of developing secure attachment requires repetition of positive pattern of emotion and met needs over and over again
  • Circle of security - circleofsecurity.org
  • By 8-9 months babies deem parent irreplaceable, presence equals satisfaction and security
  • Attachment - develop calming and connection abilities. Without - seem robotic, angry - desperate sadness, can't express "I feel like I'll get lost in my sad. I think that I am going to die when I get sad."
  • Interrupters to attachment - foster care, adoption, prenatal exposure to drugs/alcohol, abuse, mental illness, addictions, orphanage care, hospitalization of parent or child (loss of access to parents), neglect
  • Rule of thumb: when first placed, children will relate to new parents in much the same way that they related to former parents or orphanage workers. Relationship style will persist unless parents become aware of both kids' and their own challenges in forming trust relationships and emotional modulation, develop strategies.